The Hidden Grief of Migration: When You Miss Who You Used to Be
- Lina Gabbaoan
- Apr 14
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 24
“I got the visa. I followed my heart. I’m here…So why do I feel like I’ve lost myself?”
No one talks about this part of migration.
We talk about getting approved, being together, and building a new life. But underneath the celebration, a quiet sadness often lingers:
You miss the old you.
The version of you who felt capable, confident, and known.
The version who had her own space, friends, rhythm, and voice.
The version who didn’t always feel like a guest in someone else’s world.
This is called migration grief, and it deserves a safe space.
What Does Migration Grief Look Like?
You might feel:
Detached from your partner or kids
Unmotivated to explore your new city
Guilty for feeling sad when “you should be happy.”
Unable to explain your emotions in any language
Like a stranger to yourself
It doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.
It means you’re human.
Why Does This Grief Happen?
Because migration is not just about changing countries, it’s about changing roles, relationships, and routines.
You lose:
Familiarity
Autonomy
Identity tied to your work, community, or culture
Your former “normal”
Even when you gain love, safety, or opportunity, your nervous system still feels the loss. And that loss deserves recognition.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Mourning a Version of You That Got You Here.
That version is not gone. She’s evolving.
You are allowed to grieve her and love your new life.
You’re allowed to rebuild without rushing.
How Coaching Helps With Migration Grief
Normalize what you’re feeling (no, you’re not overreacting)
Create emotional anchors when everything feels unsteady
Redefine your identity outside of your partner or visa status
Reconnect with your voice, values, and goals in a new land
Learn to belong to yourself, wherever you are
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